Dumb, Dumber and Dumbest Head for the House of Lords

If anyone was left in any doubt that the House of Lords needs to be abolished a look at some of the latest nominations might just clinch it. It is still a place being topped up by those that the electorate didn’t want and the cronies of the expenses cheats from that other place.

As usual there are a few class warriors giving up the cause to join the unelected. This time round they are led by serial scoffer, John Prescott. What can you say about the pie-man?

He gave us Prescott-speak, a language so diabolical in it’s construction that his speeches in the House were used to test fledgling Hansard reporters.

But here’s the thing. During his political career he advocated the abolition of the Lords, once saying: "I don't want to be a member of the House of Lords. I will not accept it."

Subsidised lunches John. Subsidised lunches.

And if you thought that the days of buying a seat in the Lords were over – think again.

Dolar Popat, the Ugandan-born multi-millionaire Indian business tycoon who donated over £200,000 to the Tories over six years seems to have done enough to get measured up for a robe. This generosity has obviously saved Mr Popat from having to learn any of those annoying little things about the UK that are demanded by the citizenship test.

At a dinner of the Hindus in Britain Forum in 2008, Mr Popat said that multi-culturalism had stopped working. “There are too many immigrants of too many kinds.” he said.

“When I first came to Britain in 1971 there were the Scots, the Irish, the Indians, Pakistanis and the Afro-Caribbeans here. Now we have a large number of people from different parts of Africa and Eastern Europe.”

We might be able to excuse Mr Popat’s ignorance of Britain when he first arrived. But you’d think by 2008 he might have realised that Scots in the UK are not immigrants (not yet anyway).

But Mr Popat on the other hand, is undoubtedly a Tory.

Then to top it all, there is the ennobling of the world’s most useless copper - Sir Ian Blair. Not only for his work in ridding London of Brazilian electricians but also for his insight into Islamic terrorism - which he thinks "is a far graver threat in terms of civilians than either the Cold War or the Second World War". That’s bad news, because, the civilian death toll during World War II was around 47 million.

He also had his finger on the pulse in 2002 when he said "almost nobody" understood why the murder of Holly Wells and Jessica Chapman in Soham became such a big story. He was forced to issue a hurried apology to the parents.

In late 2005 he secretly taped several telephone conversations, most notably the Attorney General, Lord Goldsmith and although the Metropolitan Police Authority, described his actions as "totally unacceptable", he kept his job.

Then there was the account he gave of his involvement in the Balcombe Street Siege on the night of 6 December 1975. In a 2006 interview he recalled: "We turned the corner, and there is the car,".

"It was a very defining moment. I think I spent the next half an hour pretending to be a bush. They [IRA terrorists] got out of the car and started firing at us. It is an interesting experience being fired at when you have absolutely nothing to fire back with ... I loved it. I loved the job.”

When this was later pointed out to be bollocks, he admitted he had not personally seen the IRA men getting out of their car and opening fire, stating: "I didn't see it and I didn't say I saw it.”

I hate this sort of thing because somebody is telling lies and you don’t know who it is.

And let’s not forget Joke McConnell, the erstwhile First Minister of Scotland. Although I’ve completely forgotten what he did to deserve his elevation.

Oh, I remember now, he lost the election to the SNP.

He deserves a wee bit extra in his pay-poke for that - surely.