Election Bullshit

Rumour has it that the first line of Labour's manifesto will be a tribute to British soldiers serving in Afghanistan. No doubt this increasingly desperate and unprincipled shower will be hoping that the helicopter carrying the ballot papers will break down.  

Meanwhile,

Sarah Brown sucked up to Hindus in Neasden by telling them that their temple is the "eighth wonder of the world". Where this places the largest Hindu temple in the world, the 100 acre BAPS Swaminarayam Akshardham temple complex in New Delhi, I don’t know. Still it’s nice to know that this sort of patronising shite encompasses all faiths.

Meanwhile,

Labour's election co-ordinator, Ed Miliband, has pledged that Labour will "rebuild trust in politics".

Two points here:

1. You’ve had 13 years clean up politics after John Major’s sleaze ridden mob got booted out. It’s now worse.
2. I don’t now where you get the idea from the we ever trusted politicians.  

Miliband has also told us that his party's manifesto has been crafted after "tens of thousands of conversations" with the people of Britain. That must be like these opinion polls. I’ve never been asked. I don’t anyone who has.

Meanwhile,

Ex-Lib Dem leader Charles Kennedy refuses to concede that criticism of the Tories by his party's top rank amounts to "cosying up" to Labour in preparation for a post-election pact, as suggested by Sky's Adam Boulton. Well, allow me point out to the people in the rest of Britain, the Lib-Dems (the whores of Scottish politics) kept an unbelievably inept Labour minority government in power in Scotland for eight years. And they couldn't get to the coalition table quick enough.

Meanwhile,

Lib Dem Treasury spokesman Vince Cable says that Nick Clegg's comment that a vote for Labour or the Conservatives would be a vote for "corrupt politics" referred to the rival parties blocking Lib Dem attempts to reform Parliament. Tell it the way it is Vince. Many people will be voting for a corrupt politician at the election. It’s just that, when you all close ranks, we might never be able to prove it.

Meanwhile,

Ruby Wax has given us the benefit of her undoubted political insight by pointing out that the money the leaders are spending on coaching for the TV debates is a waste. The public can "smell a phoney" a mile away, said the woman whose purpose remains a mystery.

Thankfully, they also have this ability when it comes to people that think they’re funny.

And Finally.

At the risk of introducing your senses to a quite unsavoury image, Amanda Platell former press secretary to William Hague,  predicts an X-rating for the TV debates. She says that Gordon Brown will be stripped of his best asset - his wife - and look "naked" as a result.

Nurse! The screens!

Don’t have nightmares now.